It’s a beautiful idea. Beautifully simple.
Consume less stuff and be happier.
“Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things, so we can make room for life’s most important things, which actually aren’t things at all,” said Joshua Fields Millburn in the new movie, “Minimalism: Less Is Now,” which is currently streaming on Netflix and was directed by Matt D’Avella. Years ago, Millburn shared this piece of contemporary wisdom with his friend, Ryan Nicodemus, who soon found himself a minimalist convert.
Now, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus work together enlightening modern society on how to resist the proliferation of… well… stuff.
Or, as I like to call it—shit.
We All Have Too Much Shit
You know It’s true.
We all have way too much shit.
I’m no exemplar, believe me. My own obsessive-compulsive nature has me carefully curating grocery lists that project about four months in advance. My Amazon wishlists are meticulously organized. I waved my fists to the sky when the App Store and PlayStation removed their wishlist features all together—for whatever stupid reasons they had.
To this day, I still find myself either worrying or wanting to buy something.
But I’ve gotten a lot better. I’ve pruned my habitual stockpiling, because how many bottles of Vaseline lotion does one person need to combat the harsh winter months of the American northeast?
Yes, it’s been a slow process. But not only has it saved on cash, it’s made me a lot happier by having a lot less shit in my life. Not having to worry about stuff makes your days a bit lighter, a bit sweeter, and will give the value of time a new dimension in your life.
And this was never so clear until I was on the other side of narcissistic abuse.
Narcissism And Minimalism Do Not Mix
I can’t think of a greater antithesis to narcissism than minimalism.
I’m sure some will disagree with this (and please, put your disagreements in the comments below). Compassion, kindness, empathy, generosity—all of that sappy and feel-good kumbaya stuff is the obvious opposite of narcissism, right?
Emotionally, perhaps. But set aside the warm and gooey psychobabble. Think about the trappings of your life within a narcissistic relationship. How much shit was (or is) there?
One of the key attributes in narcissism is superficiality. Take in any of the content from the expert shrinks, from Dr. Ramani to Dr. Grande and everyone in between, and they all tell the tale of how shallow and puny the emotional interiors of narcissists are.
The whole adage of finding pleasure in the small things in life is laughable to those with narcissistic personalities because such a pursuit requires a depth of character that is impossible. A narcissist is forever fending off perceived threats to the fragile ego at his or her core.
Instead of making more with less and finding peace in simplicity as a minimalist would, the narcissist takes on more material goods to create the false trappings of a developed (and supposedly enviable) life. When the spirit is wilted and frail, the accumulation of shit is used to mask the deficit.
Consider this: I’m familiar with a story concerning a unrepentant narcissist who swapped out partners as frequently as he swapped out cars (spoiler alert—he did both a lot) and when he moved on from one person to the next a couple of years ago, he needed to rent an entire house to fill with shit, and one of the defining features of this shit-cluttered house was a two-car garage.
Because no life is complete without a two-car garage, right?
Give It Up
But that’s the story—and the curse—of the narcissist.
But it is not your story and it is not your curse.
Instead of taking on new stuff—new shit—to feel good, look at who you are and what you are about. What makes you you? I doubt it’s a new shirt or phone.
And if you think it is, stop and ask yourself why it’s the material shit in life that’s so important for making you whole?
Once you challenge that core question, you’re on your way to dabbling in the minimalist lifestyle.
Purchase Minimalism: Live A Meaningful Life from Amazon.
Pre-Order Love People, Use Things from Amazon.
The header image is courtesy of the “press photos” page on TheMinimalists.com, and the photo is credited to Joshua Weaver.
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Confused by some of the terminology I use to describe people and places?
Check out the Gay Narcissistic Relationship Glossary for more information.
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If you’re interested in learning more about narcissism, toxic relationships, dark personalities, and sexuality, then I highly recommend the books below.
Please consider buying through the provided Amazon Associate links. While the content on my website is yours to read for free, I do appreciate any support offered toward my work.
The reading list includes:
Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist (Dr. Ramani Durvasula)
The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (Dr. Ross Rosenberg)
The Sociopath Next Door (Dr. Martha Stout)
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World Of The Psychopaths Among Us (Dr. Robert D. Hare)
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding And Dealing With Manipulative People (Dr. George Simon)
Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—And Surprising Good—About Feeling Special (Dr. Craig Malkin)
Being Homosexual: Gay Men And Their Development ( Dr. Richard Isay)
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming The Pain Of Growing Up Gay In A Straight Man’s World (Dr. Alan Downs)
